Asking Itachi and Seras
by N-kun
Summary: Itachi and Seras have opened a new show and are willing to answer questions. Ask away readers and you maybe severally amused or disappointed(try asking through PM okay).What ever just enjoy and ask. Spin off of Itachi's New Job.
1. Chapter 1

Itachi: Hello everyone to the first chapter of Itachi and Seras react. I'm your host Itachi Uchiha. Next to me is the lovely Seras Victoria.

Seras: Hello everyone. Well as the title suggest this will be reactions to what you ask and this will be a small spinoff Itachi's New Job. So ask away and we'll give you our best answers.

Itachi: Okay we'll start with several questions per question. So get out their and ask us your questions!


	2. Chapter 2

Itachi: Okay well our first question is here from Terror Death Skieth.

Itachi how do you get along Alucard, Walter, and Integra? Also Anderson.

Seras: Hey I'm going to get some blood from Walter. Be right back in a few minutes.

Itachi: Okay I'll start answering.

Itachi: Well I get along with everyone at Hellsing. Walter and I help serve Integra. He's kinda like the norm of my life. Tea time with him is nice and we recall our experiences in life. And with Integra it's business first. I mean one time I found her watching cute little kitten videos. I walked out of her office with several cuts and several orders not to tell anyone. Oh crap. (Integra peeks her head in)

Integra: Itachi sweetie! Once you're done I'd like you to be a target for Alucard's Jackal. Then become my sparring partner in fencing.

Itachi: Moving one! Um Alucard? I guess we get along. We have mutual respect for each other. However I feel like he's always watching me and Seras when we're together. Then I get this weird dream of him shooting me for being with Seras.

Alucard: Oh that's no dream. I'm actually sending you a message.

Itachi: Gah!(falls out of the chair)

Alucard: I'm warning you about being with Seras. I always wanted to be that dad who wanted to warn guys of their daughters. It will instill much fear like bastin...you know what I'll send a couple of letters to you. Ciao.

Itachi: Um okay. Anyways now Anderson. Anderson and I carry a slightly rivalry. You never knew this about me, but I carry a Halo 4 account. And on several occasions I see Anderson playing as well. Actually right now I'm playing against his team at this momen...Ah son of bitch!

Anderson(online play): Gotta ya you heathen!

Itachi: Oh screw you! That's not fair we agreed no Energy Swords you prick!

Anderson: Don't complain to me you vampire lover! I take care of the children in the orphanage it's either hunting for vampires or playing Halo to relieve my stress. Now be a good boy and fight me. Energy Sword Battle!

Itachi: Come and get some you child hunter!

Anderson: Death to you, you Red Eyed Bastard!

Seras: I leave for one second and you're already livid.

Itachi: I'm shouting louder and that makes me RIGHT!

Seras: Okay next question for me. Wait no more questions! Damn it Itachi!(punch on top of the head)

Itachi: Ow! I'm sorry. I guess until next time. I promise to make it up to you.

Seras: Oh you will, right now.(leans in and kisses him. Looking at the camera she winks and puts her hand over the lens.)

Bad or good chapter today? Listen I'll put out more questions the more you ask. This is just a taste of what's happening and a look on how it works. Until next time send in your questions and prepare to have answers.


	3. Chapter 3

Itachi was still continuously trying to make it up with Seras. Actually Itachi repaid her full, but wanted to continue

Seras: You already made it up for me.

Itachi: But what if I want to continue. Hey look we got a new one. You can read this one.

Seras: Sure. From unknown 1124: Through the mighty power of the Author I hereby summon child Sasuke to meet both Itachi and Seras while they're making out and Itachi has give him the dreaded Talk. Wait what?

Itachi: Sasuke how much did you see and what are doing here?!

Sasuke: Several moments(Itachi and Seras turns blood red at this). Nii-san what were doing with the pretty lady?

Itachi: Uh...well...you see. Why don't you introduce yourself first!

Seras: Um hello I'm Seras. You're Big Brother's girlfriend.

Sasuke: Really! Big Brother you never told me you had one! Hi I'm Sasuke Uchiha his little brother. So can any of you tell me what you were doing. I wanna do that too like how I saw your hand go down her b-

Itachi: Sasuke I'm going to disclose to you some S-class information about females. This will probably change you for the better.

Sasuke: Really? Let me hear!

Itachi: Alright you see a when a guy and a girl like each very much they-

NOW KITTENS! KITTENS FOR DAYS!

Itachi: And that's how you were born. Sasuke?

Sasuke: …

Seras: Are his eyes normally red?

Itachi: Kami it was so traumatizing that it activated his sharingan early. I better take care of this Tsukuyomi!

Sasuke: I better leave(suddenly a portal opens and sucks him up).

Seras: What was that?

Itachi: Never ask about it. Um I guess until next time. I think I need a shower.

Seras: Right until next time. God talk about meeting your boyfriend's family.


	4. Chapter 4

Itachi: Well we're back with all new questions.

Seras: I'll read the first one.

From zero I like it but here's a question what happens if they met your abridged selves

Itachi: Abridged? What do you mean by that?

Seras: I think a parody of us. Like I feel like I'm trigger happy and I like quoting something.

Itachi: Like what?

Seras Like I'm sayin Bitches Like Cannons!

Itachi: Right like for some reason I have strange craving to reference Carmen Sandiego and klondike bars? How do you like them apple, them apples ,them apple, them apples.

Seras: Itachi? Um next question.

From Christopher Itachi, what was your initial impression of Alucard?

Itachi: Them apples, them apples, them apples, wait what. Oh my impression of Alucard. Well when I first met him I never really bat an eye. But I think if I haven't met people like a shark man, a talking venus fly trap, a puppet master thats a puppet, a snake man trying to steal body, man with ripple eye, woman that uses paper, two literal immortals, and a split personality Uchiha I think I would be weird. But overall not a big impression, more like 'oh he's powerful and a vampire that works for humans.' Just a small impression.

Seras: Okay now for the next one. Seriously when will some of these questions will be for me How do guys ( seras and itachi) think alucard would react if he new millennium was using Mina Harker's body to create their vampire army?

Itachi: Mina Harker. The girl from Bram Stokers Dracula? She's real?

Seras: Yes. Master Integra have told me Alucard was Dracula from the book. Apparently Mina and Master loved each other very much.

Itachi: And Millennium's using her body, a corpse, to create their vampire army. I think I need to tell Alucard.

Seras: Wait don't!

Itachi: Too late I'm going!

*Static Break*

Seras: I told you so.

Itachi: How was I suppose to know I would be target practice for him. God I swear one of his holy bullets is still stuck on me.

Seras: Don't worry honey it'll only sting for the next few days.

Itachi: You are just a ray of sunshine aren't you. Whatever next question. Seras: Guest If freddy Krueger were to fight alucard who would win ? Also if alucard were to drink Freddy's blood would he gain his powers?

Alucard: Oh boy a question for me I am honoured. Oh hello Itachi how's the leg….don't you give that finger or I'll shoot it off.(wounded animal noise)

Seras: Uh master were answering the question.

Alucard: Ah yes. Freddy Kruger is a spineless coward. We fought once and he took 13 millimeter explosive shell in his head. I also didn't drink his blood as it like a bad wine. However even if I did drink his blood I wouldn't gain his powers. I already possess it. Besides I can read your dreams anyways like how Seras talks to her gun's spirit.

Seras: Master!

Alucard: Integra hopes to one day to get a cat and make those popular viral videos.

Integra: Alucard!

Alucard: Walter dreams of beating me in battle and tries to forget the night we shared in my Girlycard form.

Walter: It didn't happen! I thought you were a girl!

Alucard: And Itachi dreams of plans to get Seras to ma-

Itachi: Amaterasu!

Alucard: Christ fine I'm leaving. You tell everyone their dreams and they just hate you.

Seras: Itachi what was that about me and you?

Itachi: Nothing! Nothing I was dreaming about...stuff.

Seras: We're not done talking about this. Anyways here's the next question...for you. Seriously don't I get any questions for myself. Anyways Guest Hey Itachi, how would you feel if Shisui, Obito, and Madara were to show up and help you out and show the evil professor the real power of the Uchiha?

Itachi: Oh me and Shisui will totally destroy the Major. Madara would probably crush him and who's Obito? I remember Kakashi talking to me about him about his left eye. Wait is Tobi Obito?! I called it! Tobi had his right eye and I remember him looking familiar when I saw him with his mask! Obito was my Dad's cousin! I need a moment.

Seras: Okay. I'll just answer the next question while you contemplate what you learned unknown 1124 As a follow up meet sasuke and sakura as adults married and with their daughter.

Itachi: Oh this was suppose to be a follow up from the last chapter.

Seras: Yes it is. We have met Sasuke and Sakura off panel. You shoulda seen Itachi. He went all sappy and joyful when he found he was married. Also we spent a nice day with her daughter. Though she did seemed annoyed when we saw a blond kid named Boruto paint something on the Hokages mountain.

Itachi: And I got to meet Naruto again and I got to fight him and Sasuke. Bad idea.

Seras: Well I like to say we enjoyed our time meeting the rest of Itachi's family. However I feel like jealous. I would love to have a family.

Itachi: Wait what?

Seras: But until next time. I need to have a talk with Itachi about his dreams and maybe something else.

Itachi: Can't I just go to sleep.

Seras: Oh you'll sleep alright. After I'm done with you.

Itachi: Until next time guys(gulps).


	5. Chapter 5

Itachi: Yeah! Finally we're back. And before we start we would like to wish everyone a Merry Christmas from N-kun himself and everyone here.

Seras: Yes. In fact we made this story so we can have more communication between the author and the people who read this. People like Exotos135 and gamerlover41592 actually pushed the author to write better and actually created our story.

Itachi: So again thanks and let's start.

Seras: Guest So itachi how's feel haven a three way since seras drank pip?

Itachi: I think some part of me just died.

Seras: Same.

Pip: I'll answer this. The answer is no.

Itachi: Really Pip why?

Pip: Even if you agreed I would never share the same woman with another man. It's just a mess.

Seras: So if Itachi was girl you would agree?(Itachi makes a hand sign)

Pip: Yes, but I think Itachi would be an ugly gir...WHO'S THAT?!

(F)Itachi: I'm sorry captain. I thought I was beautiful.(Look it up and find the second image you find. Try getting that out of your head).

Pip:(holding a bloody nose) B-b-bu-but how?! Never mind we can start right now!(two fist hit his head.)

(F)Itachi and Seras: Perv!

Pip: Ow.

(F)Itachi: But no. Not feelin it.

Seras:Guest hey alucard how many sexual disease do think you have from all the people you drank from over the years?

Itachi: More questions for Alucard. Yay. What's with these questions these days anyways? Did we find questions from the darkside of the internet?

Alucard: Ooh do I sense jealousy among our Weasel. Afraid I'll take away your popularity.

Itachi: I can kill in 10 different ways.

Alucard: Sure you can. Anyways none. I'm sure it would really uncomfortable to even walk if I did. I filter all the diseases and impurities to another soul.

Seras: So you're saying no right Master?

Alucard: My, my Seras are so curious. Why don't you visit me sometime after you're(orange Susanoo Fist crushes Alucard).

Alucard:(muffled) Take a joke asshole.

Itachi: Next question. And don't try that again or I'll crush you again.

Alucard: Scared I'll take your girlfriend? Who's my servant?

Itachi: Amaterasu.

Alucard: Fine I'm leaving!

Seras: Didn't know you were the jealous one.

Itachi: Shut up. What's the next question?

Seras: Oh it's for me. twilightfan1643 Seras what do you think of the twilight saga?

Itachi: Oh dear God.

Seras: I think it's okay. But it was fun to torture Itachi with reading the books and watching the movies.

FLASHBACK

Itachi: So you replaced my Harry potter books with this one about vampires?

Seras: Yep.

Itachi: Okay I'll give it go!

1 hour later

Itachi: Sharingan let's me see all the dialogue! So...stupid...can't claw eyes...fast enough!

The Week After

Seras: Okay Itachi since you forgot to plan a date we'll have a movie date right here and I get to choose the movie.

Itachi: Can't we just watch Die Hard(fist hits his head) OW!

Seras: No! Besides if you finish this we can do something else.

Itachi: Okay what?

Seras:(whispers seductively) Your choice.

Itachi(blushing): So how bout we get this movie started!(doesn't look at the dvd and pops it in)

Seras: Remember if you back out of it by using genjutsu or shadow clones I'll as either Sir Integra or Master to take care of you.

Itachi: Fine how bad could it be.(Twilight to Breaking Dawn Credits appear)

Itachi: NOOOOOOOOO!

FLASHBACK END

Seras: Okay well next question Guest So seras how does feel to know even with the sad backstory that just basically fanservice for the fans.

Itachi: I don't get it.

Seras: Neither do I. My backstory was to show beneath my innocent persona I carry a dark and traumatizing past.

Itachi: I think it's because your mother was raped and it showed a tit.

Seras: Well that's stupid, disrespectful, and creepy. I don't see the reason why that's fanservice. Whoever thought it was is sick in the head and should talk to someone about it.

Itachi: Well this has been has an interesting chapter. So to end this we would like to announce Sir Integra and Walter will be guest starring in our next story. Prepare questions for them along with us, don't hold back. Make them the weirdest, embarrassing questions you can think of. And again we wish you a merry Christmas. Now where's my controller I got to beat DesertLover5768 in Guitar Hero.

Walter: Itachi someone on the phone wants to talk to you.

Itachi: Thank you Walter. Hello?

Unknown Voice: You lack the Funk. Don't let me catch you playing online again! Or else I'll f*cking kill you!(hang up noise)

Itachi: Walter who the hell was that?

Walter: I don't know sir. The caller ID said it was Gaara of the Funk.(flashes of light appear and the words Gaara of the Funk could be heard)

Itachi, Walter, and Seras: What the hell was that?!

N-kun: I believe that was a reference.

Alucard: Hey no breaking the 4th Wall! Back in the CORNER!

N-kun: Yes sir.

Seras: Boy N-kun sure is whipped.

N-kun: Shut up police girl(whimpers at the corner).

Itachi: Yeah. I'm just going to play Halo upstairs.

Integra: Don't try it bitch. I finally got Diablo 3 working and I don't want any of you messing with the internet again.

Itachi: But my team needs me.

Integra: And I finally got time to do something fun. Look either you find something else to do or I shoot your Xbox 1.

Itachi: No don't I beg of you!

Integra: Now how bout you go draw a picture or something.

Itachi: Why don't you finish that fanfiction between you and me you're working on(Integra blushes at the comment).

Seras: Sir Integra you're writing what about you and Itachi?!

Integra: Seras it's not what it sounds like.

Alucard: Oh I read it. Its so graphic. My master has such a mind. Almost like that one time I made Itachi pee his be-(Susanoo fist brings down the king!).

Itachi: You son of a bitch! That was you!

Seras: Master Integra you and me should have a talk.

Integra: Seras let me explain.(the two start arguing as does Itachi and Alucard

Mixed voices: You write a story about you and my boy...It's just a hobby!...It was funny for me….Get back here you vampiric asshole!

Walter: Um yes this is getting out of control. Anyways until next time. I got to find a way to fix this.


	6. Chapter 5 and a half

Itachi: Welcome back. Um today we are doing something different. Me and Alucard are going to fight.

Alucard: Hell yeah. However it's obvious I'm going to win by my level of badass.

Seras: Actually Master Itachi's known to be quite the badass.

Itachi: Seras shut up.

Alucard: Oh really and how badass are we talking about?

Integra: Badass enough to rival even you.

Itachi: Integra don't do this.

Alucard: Badass enough to rival me eh? Itachi!

Itachi: Oh shit.

Alucard: Is it true? Are you truly a major badass?!

Itachi: Well I find myself a normal person, but I have been known to do a few awesome things.

Alucard: Well then...Itachi Uchiha I challenge to personal duel to the death! We will exchange words to find out who is the most badass person on his earth!

Itachi: I accept your challenge. Play the badass music(play the Armored Titan Music theme)

Itachi: I play Dark Souls 2 with Rockband Controller!

Alucard: Japanese games fall before my skill!

Itachi: I killed family and didn't cry like a bitch!

Alucard: I killed my kingdom and didn't cry like a pussy!

Itachi: Chuck Norris and Mister T beg at my feet for mercy!

Alucard: It doesn't matter since I was their master!

Itachi: I talked to Michael Bay and called his explosions firecrackers.

Alucard: World War 1 and 2 were kidde fights for me!

Itachi: I throw Godzilla at my feet!

Alucard: I read Dipper's visit to Taco Bell and not flinch.

Itachi: I was sick, near blind, and slowly dying and yet I could fight off my powerful brother.

Alucard: I could eradicate London with Level 3 of the Cromwell Restrictions!

Itachi: When I walk in a straight line Girei plays in the background.

Alucard: When I make an entrance ACDC plays!

Itachi: I defeat over 35 of the strongest men with just one genjutsu!

Alucard: Well you didn't know this but I can clear out 2 wars while banging 67 women, eating nails, and breaking the world record of sustaining injures without flinching!

Itachi's thoughts: Damn it! He's got me on the ropes.

Alucard: Yes! hahahaha you thought you could challenge me and win. Foolish boy. Nothing you can say now can help you succeed.

Itachi: FOOL! I shall burn your corpse. My arms will twist and shatter every bone in your body as I show you the countless battles I have went through unscathed! I will take your powers and your soldiers and have reduced to nothing. And I will laugh madly as I watch you crumble before my will!

Alucard, Seras, Integra: ...

Walter: Who won? Please let us know soon and we'll announce the winner in the next coming chapter.

N-Kun: Thanks for reading. This was just a filler until the next question chapter comes. Until then see ya soon.


	7. Chapter 6

Itachi: So alucard what the hell does blood taste like to you vampires? Another question for Alucard. Yay. (Alucard phases in).

Alucard: You know I might as well host this show. It's very clear your fans love only me. (Susanoo sword slices off arm) Bitch.

Itachi: Answer the question.

Alucard: Depends on the person. Virgins are the best, but I do like any type of person. Except Germans. Especially after the attack on London. They get really annoying.

Itachi: Okay you answered your question now LEAVE!

Seras: Please don't be so angry. Anyways what's the next question?

Itachi: Guest Itachi what's your opinion on Seras being with Alucard? God damnit.

Alucard: Oh I heard my name again. I believe I have another question for me.

Seras: Master please it's Itachi's question. It's asking what's his opinion if you and I got together.

Alucard: Oh that would require a certain test for you to pass.

Itachi: Please don't that.

Seras: What is it?(Susanoo fist crushes Alucard again)

Itachi: I wouldn't like it really.

Seras: Guest: Itachi kiss Integra and Seras kiss Walter! Wait really?

Integra: I'm sorry Seras, but you have a duty to give your viewers this chance.(grabs Itachi and makes out with him).

Walter: Miss Victoria here I'll initiate this.(grabs Seras's hand and pecks it). There you see not bad.

Seras: Thank you Walter. Now Sir Integra you can stop.(The two finish)

Integra: I must say Seras you are a lucky lady. He's a natural!(Drops Itachi on the floor who's paralyzed at what happened)

Itachi: Tha-that ju-just happened right?

Integra: Oh yes it did Itachi. Say if want more you can visit me in my office if you want.(Sees Seras's death stare.) Or not I'm just kidding!

Seras: Hey everyone what is your opinion on the castlevania lords of shadow games if you have played or heard of them?

Everyone: We've spent time keeping Britain safe. We don't have time for games.

Itachi: Except me and I like the games.

Alucard: Nerd.(Susanoo fist comes down) God damn it!

Seras: so alucard who in your opinion was or is the best actor to play when you were still just dracula? also have you heard of the batman vs dracula movie and if so what is your opinion on it?

Alucard: Meh I liked Gary Oldman's performance. And yes I have and I think this was a biased movie!

Seras: From BlitzingRaptor My questions for thought you were one to be with Cats Integra, Does this imply you like Schrödinger? If so how does Alucard feel of this?

Integra: I will admit I like cats. However you forget he's a werewolf with cat like features, but I will admit he's a cute kid.

Alucard: And he can come back to life anytime so more target practice for me!

Integra: Damn it Alucard you always do this!

Seras: Whoa a lot of questions today. From unknown1124: alucard won. also alucard what happened to your's and walter's daughter you had in your female body during world war 2?

(If you don't know what i'm talking about it's a fan comic on deviant art.)

Alucard: I have no idea what you're talking about. I read the comic and I believe its nice to leave it open for interpretation. Besides I'm sure that Walter's still scared.

Walter: They won't leave my head.

Seras: Alright final question for today. :Hey alucard since you all those souls inside you how the are not even more bat s*** (pun intended) insane from the voices?

Itachi: F*CK!

Alucard: Ah that's cute little weasel is mad(Dodges Susanoo fist). Hah you missed!(gets sliced in half by Totsuka Blade) Damn it.

Itachi: Just answer the damn question.

Alucard: Right. I just silence them with sheer willpower and tons of bullets.

Integra: Wait that's where those bullets went I paid over 89000 pounds for getting new ones!

Alucard: If you had annoying dead person constantly talk you'll know my pain.

Integra: Oh I have an idea of what your pain is. Now get over here so I can kill you!(draws sword)

Itachi: Well this has been interesting. Oh wait I have to read the results from last chapter to find out who won our contest.(picks up the results) And the winner is…(crumples results) DAMN IT! Alucard won! Guess I have to brood for a few more days.

Alucard(gagging): Ha loser. Master you're breaking my throat.

Seras: Oh don't worry Itachi there will always be a next time.

Itachi: Yeah sure. Please let me just wallow in my defeat with some booze. Walter get me a bottle!

Walter: Yes Captain. Anyways until next time.


	8. Chapter 7 and a half

Afterwards PT.1

Itachi was stumbling throughout the mansion with an empty beer bottle in his hands. Walter saw him and laid him down.

"Itachi, what are you doing here? Drunk." He asked. Itachi simply lifted up the bottle and tried drinking the rest of the empty bottle.

"I*hic* wanted to take a walk. I-I was working on a prank for Alucard so I talked to Integra. Who was happy enough to share a bottle with me as we planned a prank. Then we did other stuff." Itachi slurred. Walter's eyes widened at the news. If a Seras and Alucard heard it they would assume the worst. Well Alucard might.

"Itachi! What did you and Sir Integra do after planning the prank?!" He asked. Itachi covered his ears at the shouting but understood. Walter was waiting for the news and didn't like the blush creeping on Itachi's face. The alcohol was working its magic to not remembering.

"We played a game. And let's just say I never knew she could stretch in certain positions. I'm just lucky I got out sore and not pass out in her room." Itachi said. Walter felt himself covered in embarrassment.

"She said it was the first time she did it and was glad I was the first person to do it with her." Itachi began saying. Walter grabbed his shoulders and shook Itachi crazily.

"Damn it Itachi! Did you deflower our Master?! Alucard and Seras will mount your head if they found out such a thing!" Walter exclaimed.

"We lost a lot of clothes last night. She was in her bra and pants. I was just stuck in my pants. Integra never looked so happy when I agreed to help her with something. It was good in a way I guess." Itachi continued to say absent minded. Walter couldn't keep the look of shock from the story. Seras walked in with a worried look.

"Walter sir is everything alright? Oh hey Itachi! Where were you I was going to help you plan so I ask Sir Integra, but she shooed me off." Seras said sadly.

"Weird I coulda sworn I saw you last night. I mean I asked Integra, but she told me no one was at the door. Because afterwards she pushed me down and began working her magic." Itachi's eyes began to sink until he slumped forward and passed out. Walter took the chance to give Itachi medicine.

Seras heard his statement and assumed the worse. She got up and tried slapping Itachi awake. Nothing worked as the Uchiha didn't make any attempt to show he was conscious. Pure shock began streaming into Seras's system. She wanted to be mad at Itachi, but realized the signs. Integra writing a story about her and Itachi, more willing to kiss Itachi, offering "practice", and warding her away from her room when she asked about him too quickly. Integra had the hots for Itachi! Seras was fuming at the realization and walked straight past everyone. Anyone who's anyone felt the killer intent from the former police girl.

Water tried calming the girl down,"Now Seras don't do anything rash. This is Integra we're talking about! The last thing she would ever do is to steal someone from you."

"Walter I'm going to ask her politely if they did anything last night. I'm sure nothing went wrong. Now please hand me a rifle." Seras said with fake innocence.

Integra woke up and found herself sore. Getting up she lazily put on a button shirt before deciding against it and leave for breakfast. She yawned and wondered why her legs especially were sore. Integra walked out and saw her subordinates outside her bedroom.

"Officer Seras and Walter what are doing outside my office?" Asked an annoyed Integra. Both saluted respectively and Seras answered.

"I simply came to ask about last night's events after Itachi consumed too much alcohol." Seras asked. Integra's look became cold to flustering when she found out what she was asking.

"I have no idea on what you are requesting." Integra said before talking a fast walk to her room. Seras was about to follow but Walter stopped her.

"Don't worry Miss Victoria I'll find out. Besides if I assume what just happened between the two of them then I have a mess to clean up." Walter said as he got some cleaning supplies. Seras nodded and went to get Itachi from the couch.

Walter took a moment to breath before walking straight towards Integra's room. Once he was in front of the door Walter opened it to see Integra trying to stuff something away. Taking a closer look he found out it was...a Twister Game. Walter was confused before laughing at the thought of Integra playing Twister with Itachi. The laughing got Integra's attention and focused daggers into Walter.

"Walter Knock Next Time!" Integra said with her entire face red.

"I apologize. But Ma'am you're saying that you weren't deflowered last night." Walter asked. A pillow hit his face as Integra seemed even more embarrassed.

"No! Why would I be deflowered yesterday?! I'm not even a f..." Integra ranted until she realized what he meant. Walter shook a little as Integra walked closer with her pistol out. Running as fast as he can Walter tried dodging every bullet that came his way. Integra didn't stop shooting until Walter was of of sight.

'Now that he's gone when will Itachi's prank go of-" She pondered until an explosion was heard.

"Jesus Fucking Christ it's on my clothes and my hair!" Alucard's voice echoed. Integra felt a grin turn into a child's smile as she heard her servant's fate this morning. Alucard phased right into the room with purple and pink dyed onto him.

"I suspect you had something to do with this." Alucard said with a apathetic look. Integra chuckled and nodded yes. Alucard narrowed his eyes and walked away.

"By the way I heard you and Itachi banging last night!" Alucard laughed. Integra's smile soon faded at her servant's words.

"WE DID NOT! God why does everyone think that?" Integra yelled. Taking out her sword she cut of his arms. Alucard chuckled at the severed limbs and regenerated his limbs. However to his horror it was still pink. Grumbling about the laundry he went into his girl form so it wouldn't be so weird. Integra was still livid and kicked her servant out. The phone rang and Integra picked it up.

"Hello?!" She asked.

"Calm down you protestant sow. We just looked at your pet vampire's twitter account and saw his post that someone has ploughed the virgin soil along with a picture. Is this true?" Enrico's voice said.

"Nothing happened! God where's Itachi?!" Integra screamed.

"Wait you two are not going for a second round are you?" Alexander asked through another line.

"How the hell did you get this line?!" Integra asked.

"I can't help me self. Whenever anything happens to you cows may contain vital information for the Iscariots and for my blog." Anderson's reply made Integra slam the phone. Taking a cigar Integra went to the balcony and tried recalling last night's events. Seras came in with daily reports and some food from Walter.

"Sir Integra I brought you food, compliments to Walter and the reports from last weeks mission. They need to be reevaluated." Seras said. Integra nodded and continued to smoke.

"By the way I thought you would never steal another woman's boyfriend Sir." She said quickly before shutting the door. Heightened hearing just managed to reach Hellsings leader's ear with the message. Before Seras could reach the stairs the door busted open with Integra in a messed up shirt, PJ pants, and sword in hand.

"How dare you suggest such a thing!" Integra bellowed. Seras yelped and ran towards the basement. Integra followed in suit with her only seeing red.

Itachi awoken and got up to shake his head. Realizing he was in bed he got up to make breakfast. And as he pushed open the door Seras pushed it back and hit Itachi square in the forehead. The Sharingan User falls onto the floor and fails to notice the chase unconscious to the world. Walter opened the door with medicine and food to see Itachi on the ground with red skin on his forehead. Sighing he got out the bandages and began wrapping it around the younger man.

Alucard was currently grumbling under his breath about being the gayest vampire on Earth. Next to the twilight ones of course. However he turned around to see his servant running right past him. Confused he looked to see who was chasing her only to have his head cut off. The head was on the ground to quickly see Integra with her sword out. Whistling and regenerating his new body Alucard decided to follow. Walter heard the commotion and quickly followed. Itachi's eyes fluttered open to see himself in bed. Before he could think of anything the sounds of metal hitting brick and pistol fire could be heard.

'Okay I better investigate.' Itachi thought before catching the scent of eggs, pancakes, bacon, and toast near him. Looking to his left Itachi saw the wonderful food. Taking in the scent once more he reached over and grabbed it.

'After breakfast of course!' Itachi thought as he gorged himself some breakfast. The food had no chance of survival and died valiantly as all food does. Putting the plate on his drawer he found hangover medicine next to him. Confused Itachi remembered all the drinks he had last night. However he couldn't remember what happened when he was planning a prank on Alucard. Deciding to find out Itachi walked upstairs and saw some of the halls were cut to ribbons. Walking into Integra's office Itachi heard a phone ring.

"Hello?" Itachi asked.

"Yes hello Itachi we have news." Sir Islands said through the line.

"And the news is what?" Itachi asked.

"We have news that confirmed you and Integra's relationship has escalated to that of lovers. We would like you to either confirm or deny these claims now." Islands asked. Itachi's eyes widened at the news.

"Denied! I deny everything. I will inform you that I'm happy in another relationship with someone very special. Where did you get this news from anyways?!" Itachi asked.

"Calm down boy. We got the news from your friend Alucard." Islands replied. Itachi immediately hung up and went on the computer. Logging into his account Itachi went to Alucard's twitter. It showed a picture of Itachi and Integra kissing and the caption of something soil with hearts next to it. Adjusting his t-shirt and fixing his pants Itachi activated his Mangekyo Sharingan.

"Oh you MOTHERF-!"

To be concluded

N-Kun: Just a small two part filler till the next question. I thought it would be nice to upload a couple of one shots every once and a while. Anyways I'll see you in the next chapter.


	9. Chapter 8

Itachi: Ok after some drama this morning I believe we are ready for today's episode. Granted today's will be short. Okay for Seras from Guest. :So seras what do you think your and itachis kids would look like?

Seras: Oh my. I actually never thought about that. I'm normally focused on work or keeping track of all the files Sir Integra mysteriously loses, but I never really thought about it.

Walter: Miss Victoria you dropped your sketch book. Although I'm wondering why did you draw kids in here. They look like a mix between you and Itachi.

Seras: WALTER GET OUT!

Itachi: Yeah sure you never think that. (picks up the book) Seras why are drawing us in these positions. My, my Seras your sexy and you know it. You work out.

Seras(blushing and stammering): Wait it's not what you think! I don't do that stuff.

Itachi: Naughty Seras. I believe I have something planned for you afterwards. Besides our kids wouldn't look like this. I'm pretty sure they would keep the jet black hair.

Seras: Next Question.

Itachi: Oh yes and they would be taller.

Seras: From: zero:just have to ask what would you rather have a boy or a girl if you had kids seras and who would babysit it alucard or anderson.

Itachi(still flipping through the book): She wants a girl and she would have my shadow clones watch her. Next. (fist meets face)

Seras: Shut up and give me that! But yes I would prefer a girl and I would rather have Master watch over him than Anderson.

Anderson: But why not me. I'm good with children!

Alucard: Actually you child toucher I believe you kill it the second the spawn comes with range. Besides I always wanted to have a half human/vampire spawn. It would be an interesting thing to fight. (Susanoo fist crushes Alucard) Damn it Stop!

Itachi: Once you stop acting like a f*cking jackass.

Alucard: Never!

Itachi This one is different. From Guest :So N-kun if you could choose any other show to cross hellsing with what would it be and why? Also if you could make itachis new job into a real show which celebrity would you get to play itachi since he and alucard are both played by the same guy?

N-Kun: Well thank you for the question that's one thing and second I would do Attack on Titan. I think it would be interesting to have Alucard, Anderson, or someone else to interact with their world. Next if I could get make Itachi's New Job a live action show I wouldn't really do it. Granted it would be an exciting opportunity, but it would very different. Also regarding actor I would use the Japanese actors since it originates over there. All and All I have no idea who to choose if I do such an ambitious move.

Itachi: Well that was nice also congratulations on finishing Itachi's New Job. I guess me and Seras don't have to kidnap you and force you to write the best chapter you can type with broken fingers.

N-Kun: What?

Alucard: Too late! [bag goes over the writer's head] Now next chapter will be at the Congratulations party. Everyone from Shisui to the Doctor will be there. So you can ask them anything, while we party all night long.

Seras: And now before we leave we would like you to enjoy this song parody of We Will Rock You with Alucard and Itachi dueling for a rematch.

Alucard: Alright let's start.

Itachi: Fine, but I won't lose to you.

Alucard: Itachi you fool, you can follow the rules, but you'll never catch up anyway. You got sh*t your face at every place. I'll be kickin your ass till you drawn an ace. I'm the O G Badass.

Itachi: Alucard you're weird man with no fans, but I will tell this. Listen here, I'll be real clear. All that man talk makes you sound like a queer. I'm the O G Badass.

Alucard/Itachi: I'm the O G Badass.

Integra: Walter what are they doing?

Walter: I believe they're singing. To a Queen song no less. I suspect I should say something within the lines of who won this battle. Um Sir Integra you're drooling.

Integra: Oh sorry I'm hungry.

Seras(whisper): Hungry for Itachi.

Integra: What was that?

Seras: Nothing.

Alucard: Well I made the strut.

Itachi: I have the voice.

Alucard: I have the weapons.

Itachi: Well I have the looks.

Alucard: You can't be serious. Itachi look at this bod. I'm sexy and I know it. I work out. On a scale of 1 to me you rank a measly 6 ½ and that's being generous.

Itachi: Jackass!

Alucard: Dipshit!

N-Kun: Better leave before the place is riddled with bullet holes and black fire.


	10. Chapter 9

(At The Party)

Everyone was having a good time. Anderson was currently holding himself from killing with Shisui holding his collar. Tobi was hitting on Rip only for Hans to stop him. Maxwell was running away from Zorin and Heinkel and Yumie were drinking the night away. The Major and Alucard were playing chess. By chess I mean Alucard shooting the pieces whenever he got one. Doc and Schrodinger were drinking away at the punch, unknown to them Pip spiked the punch. Itachi was trying to get Sarah outside.

"Sarah come on! Tobi's more social than you." Itachi said.

"No. I'm not going out there. Everyone's going to stare at me." Sarah replied.

Itachi sighed before turning to you. "Oh hello. Well you see I'm trying to get my daughter to come out. Why don't you find Seras. She's around here somewhere." Itachi said. Obviously you nod and run around looking for Seras. You later see her trying to get Integra to be more social.

"Sir Integra you have to be more social. Besides its just one dance."

"I'm sorry Seras, but unlike you I can't go dancing. That is a task you can only force on an idiot. I'm more comfortable to fight nigh immortal vampires, werewolves, and the supernatural. You know easier things."

Seras shakes her head before bumping into you. You nervously rub the back of your head in embarrassment especially when you see what she's wearing. But you shake your head and tell her that its time to answer questions.

"Of course. Let's go get Itachi." After retrieving the other host everyone sat down and began the show.

TRANSITION

Itachi: Welcome back. For the next few chapters we're going to party and all the characters are here. So we're going to upload chapters once a week since we want to answer all of your curiosities. Now let's start. *sigh* For Alucard, oh and also Seras. From: Guest

:So alucard if you could kill any superhero or villain who would be and why? Also seras what made you fall in love with itachi ?

Alucard: Oh dear another question for me? I'm very surprised and by surprised I mean not surprised at all.

Seras: Master please answer the question.

Alucard: Of course my ruby dressed, cleavage showing for Itachi's eyes, shy, slightly annoying, police girl. Ah that look is so *sees the Susanoo behind Seras* nevermind. Anyways who would I kill? I would kill everyone in the DC and Marvel Universe. My reason is because I recently read Deadpool and found out he killed an entire universe of heroes. My rage can't hold me back and I can't hold back the need to accept that challenge, also because there is only room for one red cladded, smartass, with guns. And I believe I'll start with him. Now Police Girl its your turn.

Seras: Right. So what was my question?

Itachi: What you fall in love with me? That's the question.

Seras: Oh I believe I know the answer to that.

Unknown(troll): Yeah N-Kun wanted to please his audience. He never really developed your characters to love each other. He made it physical love, not emotional! He obviously carried no evidence or knowledge for those two to be together. He sucks at wr-*gunshot*

Integra: Go on Seras. Answer the question.

Seras: Right. Thank you sir. I fell in love with him for a number of reasons. Outside of missions we went on dates and got to know each other with each one. I felt human around him and we never brought up vampires or anything supernatural. Then he showed me his origins a few weeks before the attack on London. Seeing him from another world forced to fight and lie made me mad. But then he showed me the memories of him adjusting to England. It turns out we shared that feeling of being thrust into a new world and trying to accept where we are. It made me fall deeper and deeper for him and look at us know. We're a happy couple and carry to adorable kids.

Tobi: We are not adorable.

Sarah: Mom, Schrodinger gave me cat ears!

Tobi: Okay Sarah is adorable, but not me!

Walter: The new costume you requested is here Master Tobi.

Tobi: It's the puppy costume right?

Walter: Of course sir.

Tobi: Thank Walter, wait I think I just contradicted my statement.

Itachi: Yes you did. Now the next question. Seras would you like to do the honors?

Seras: Sure. From: Guest

:Sarah and Tobi I dare you to kiss each other tongue and all

Sarah/Tobi: What the fuck!? Who the hell dared us to do such an act?

Anderson: The Internet apparently. This is why the children at the orphanage can't have a computer. I worry for there safety since they could expose themselves to str-

Alucard: Boring! You should be the one to talk. You're a child toucher.

Anderson: I'm not a pedphile you monster.

Alucard: Ok I can help determine this. How bout this, we play a game of Sword, Gun, Magic. The winner will have their answer be the correct one. Now I choose gun what do you choose?

Anderson: Um *15 gunshots*

Alucard: Sorry, but gun beats um. You heard it right people Anderson's a child tou-*head comes off*

Anderson: I choose sword.

Integra: Damn it, Anderson you got blood all over my new carpet!

Sarah/Tobi: We're not doing your request! This is my brother/sister. Where you see fictional siblings get together? *you show them all the manga and anime with that* I mean any western shows. *gravity falls* That doesn't count!

Itachi: I'm going to move on. From: zero (Guest)

zero:This one for Sarah and Tobi what was your childhood like and what was the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to you

Sarah: Actually I had a relatively calm childhood. I don't drink blood, but I can't stay outside in the sun too much and silver barely hurts me. It was kinda awkward for school.

Tobi: Well Dad told me that when he and mom got married they had me. They had to fight a clan of werewolves to keep them away from me. After growing up several years later I learn that I was placed under arrest by the British Government, who threatened to kill me since they thought a half human/half vampire would be dangerous. We had several groups support our case to keep me alive and most of the vampire hunting leagues after me. But after showing them a vision from the future of their demise in an epic battle that would include the death of many, they decided to leave me alone. Along with a disappointing knowledge it was all a vision.

Sarah: That never happened. You just recited the plot to Breaking Dawn.

Tobi: Yes, because it is an interesting plot. If you take out the shirtless men, sparkling vampires, shitty dialogue, the plot holes from the other books, and everything else that made it suck it's very clever. Besides Mom and Dad won't tell me when I what happened when I was a baby.

Sarah: You mean the storyline of a creature not meant to exist, but people fight for it since reasons. Along with the villains appearing to be people who either know the consequences and are taking measures or people that fear what they don't understand. Yes its so original.

Tobi: Actually one original thing is that they had a nagging bitch of sister, which is weird since you weren't born yet.

Sarah: You son of a bitch!

Itachi: Language. I thought I taught you to never cuss at each other. Its fine to do it behind Alucard and Integra's back.

Integra/Alucard: Wait, what did they say?

Itachi: But never to each other. And since you broke that rule I'll choose which embarrassing moment you had. Tobi: You acted like a spaz at the school play at the school play and your favorite pokemon and yugioh card is Magikarp and Watapon.

Tobi: No! My trading card secret has been revealed! I'll never live this down!

Sarah: Ha! You like Watapon. That's almost saying you like Kuriboh.

Tobi: ...

Sarah: Oh my God!

Tobi: He's really cute okay.

Sarah: Noob!

Itachi: Oh Sarah. You currently stalk 1D even after the became irrelevant. Also you once stuffed your bra to make it look like your mother's.

Sarah: No! It was just a phase and I wanted to see why Alucard found so fascinating about Mom's rack while watching her bath.

Itachi/Seras: He what?

Alucard: Oh look at the time. I must leave its morning.

Anderson: What are you talking about its 10:00 at night.

Alucard: Shut up and let me leave! *insert full Susanoo transformation*

Itachi: I thought we were done with this Alucard!

Alucard: You'll never catch me alive. Hehe, get it? It's because I'm dead.

Itachi: :l

Alucard: 8 l

Seras: Run, Run, Runaway baby, before he kills you. You better get, get, get away Master otherwise he'll destroy you! Your poor little heart will be torn out cause his hands will… crap I forgot the rest of my lyrics.

N-kun: I wonder if I should keep adding these song parodies in. Anyways that's all for this week. Next week I'll launch a new chapter at this party. Yeah that's right we're partying till next week.


End file.
